How to Approach Self-Care When You're a Caregiver

By: Jasper Health

A caregiver is a trusted person who supports a cancer patient through their treatment. Caregivers are often partners, siblings, children, parents, or friends of the person facing cancer, and the support they offer is multifaceted, ranging from the practical (driving to appointments, changing linens, making food, dispensing medication) to the emotional (talking, listening, hugging, holding space).

Because the needs of the cancer patient are urgent and vital (and because obviously everyone understands that having cancer is extremely hard), the needs of caregivers and the stresses of caregiving can be unseen and feel secondary. This can lead to caregiver burnout.

One way to ward off burnout is to invest in self-care. If you’re a caregiver, taking care of yourself is critical. It is what allows you to continue to show up for the person you’re supporting, and it can help you keep your own wellness intact as you do so.

What is self-care and why is it important?

Self-care is attending to your physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual health. The World Health Organization defines it as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.”Self-care can be a nourishing meal, a hot bath, self-massage, rest, companionship, meditation, exercise, time in the sunlight, and many other things that promote wellness. What sets it apart from professional care is that (as the name implies) you provide it for yourself, and what sets it apart from self-indulgence is that it has a net positive effect on your wellness. For example, a greasy diner meal might bring pleasure, but if it leaves you sluggish with a stomach ache, it’s self-indulgence rather than self-care. Some types of self-care (like a bubble bath) feel good in the moment, while other forms (like climbing the Stair Master) are challenging to get through but feel good in the aftermath. Figuring out what fills your personal cups and helps you feel well and rejuvenated is important for everyone—and especially so for people who do a lot of caring and giving in their professional or personal lives. Caregiving for a cancer patient is often taxing. Physically, emotionally, and energetically, it requires giving a lot of yourself and asking for nothing in return. Caregiving is a wonderful, generous, deeply human thing to do. And, if a caregiver isn’t also receiving self-care, it can take a toll.

Physical self-care

Depending on your responsibilities as a caregiver, the role can be very physically demanding. Helping someone with limited mobility navigate daily life and hygiene is an athletic endeavor. Even if you don’t find yourself doing much heavy lifting, mind and body are far more connected than we often realize. The emotional labor of showing up for your loved one can cause physiological stress that, without proper rest and recovery, can manifest in various types of pain (like headache, backache, and digestive issues). Self-care for the body can be restorative (sleep, non-sleep deep rest like meditation, hot baths or showers, reiki, gentle yoga) or stimulating (exercise, sunlight exposure, massage, or foam rolling). Beauty treatments like moisturizing skin masks, exfoliation, or nail care can also be nourishing for the body (just make sure you’re using toxin-free products and keeping the priority on wellness rather than appearance). Nutrition and hydration are other ways to sustain and maintain your body’s wellness. Whether you’re deep into macrobiotics or you don’t really pay much attention to your diet, there’s always room to add a healthy practice or a meal that makes you feel wonderful. (Sometimes, simply ordering a meal that you don’t have to prepare or clean up from can be a wonderful treat.)

Emotional and spiritual self-care

Because providing cancer care can be heavy, it’s important to take care of your mental and emotional health, too. Having a space to process your experience of caregiving can be self-care—consider whether you have a friend you could talk to, or whether keeping a caregiver journal would help fill your cup. Purposefully making room for joy and delight can also help balance out the darkness that cancer can bring with it. What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? What makes you feel free? Identifying those things and then carving out time to do them are powerful acts of self-preservation, and they can also help you bring genuine lightness to the person you’re caring for. If you have a religious or spiritual community or practice, taking time for those rituals and connections is so important as you help your loved one through their treatment. If not, a secular support group for caregivers can offer a similar sense of solidarity and support. If you’re looking for something more private, Imerman Angels, a trusted nonprofit organization, offers one-on-one mentorship for caregivers.

Self-care is the opposite of selfishness 

Many caregivers struggle with feeling selfish when they care for themselves. The thinking goes like so: My loved one needs _____ (fill in the blank with time, comfort, financial resources, etcetera) so much more than I do, so it’s selfish to sleep in, take a leisurely afternoon, get a massage, or enjoy an indulgent meal.But you can’t pour from an empty cup. Recognizing the tremendous toll that caregiving can take and caring for yourself with the resources that fill your cup is part of showing up as a caregiver. Self-care for the caregiver is additive, and treating yourself with the same generosity, love, and tenderness that you reserve for the cancer patient in your life is part of the project of caregiving with love and self-preservation.

The content on this blog is intended to provide the best possible information for you, but should not be considered—or used as a substitute for—medical advice. If you have questions about your diagnosis or treatment, please contact your health care provider(s). For questions or comments about this content, please email us at support@hellojasper.com