A Ray of Sunshine to Lift my Spirits

By Karen B., Look Good Feel Better Live! Virtual Workshop Participant

Dear Rudy,

I’ve been asked to share my Look Good Feel Better experience and I keep coming back to you.  When people ask me what it was like doing a virtual workshop with you as our volunteer trainer, all I can say is, “Rudy is a ray of sunshine.”  

I was diagnosed in September 2018 with invasive ductal carcinoma: stage two breast cancer.  In November 2018, I underwent a double mastectomy, followed by four rounds of chemotherapy, ending just before my 45th birthday, in March of last year.    

“Woe is me” is not my way. From the very beginning, we – my husband, our three kids, two dogs and I – worked to keep things lighthearted.  Even on day 15 of chemo when my hair started falling out in clumps (exactly on schedule, by the way) I took it all in stride. I had already cut my, thick, long, blonde hair short. But that night, we shaved my head as a family. We made it fun. The only tears were ones of laughter.   

Chemotherapy was not fun. I experienced many side effects: fatigue, weakness, nausea, neuropathy, muscle pain etc.  Still, the entire family, including visitors, my mother and my mother-in-law (who stayed with us for 6 months) worked hard to keep our collective spirits up. My heroes in this journey for sure.  

But something happens when people find out you have cancer.  Suddenly I was on the receiving end of so many reactions and part of those were stories. I knew it was just their way of communicating in a scary and awkward situation, but sometimes it was not pleasant.  A few people told me about women they knew with my same diagnosis who didn’t survive. Not exactly what you need to hear while you’re planning how to beat the Crap out of cancer.  Some gave unsolicited advice about which treatments I HAD to undergo or avoid, doctors I had to see or hospitals I should visit if I didn’t want to die.   

It didn’t make me frightened, but it did affect me deeply.  Here I was trying my best to stay positive and fight this “scare–the–hell–outta–me” disease and I was being bombarded by a slew of different messages. At times, I found it very hard to keep that positive attitude, to focus on the good, and to focus on ME, instead of the “what ifs.”

Then a friend introduced me to Look Good Feel Better.  I was never one to wear much makeup. In fact, my normal routine involved nothing more than moisturizer and a little mascara.  

But going without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes – looking in the mirror to see my face all but erased – I knew I needed a lesson. I didn’t know what to do or what to buy. I didn’t know where to start. It was an aspect of my cancer journey that I hadn’t thought about with all my focus on surgery. Surgery had already taken so much, and now the next step would take something else. I knew it would be temporary, but I was still very unsure about navigating the most obvious side effect of chemo: losing all of my hair.    

The moment I signed on to our virtual workshop and saw your giant smile, I said to myself, “Rudy is going to show me how to rock this makeup.” And I was right. It was SUPER fun watching you put on your own ‘face.’  I smiled the whole hour! Your patience with me and everyone in the class was remarkable. And even though we were only connected by a Zoom screen, I felt like you were right there beside me.  

You showed me how to draw in my eyebrows in a way that brought my whole face back to being me.  I was confident rocking my bald head, but a bald head without eyebrows was just too much. Even after treatment, when my hair came back (short, brown, and curly instead of long, straight, and blonde) my eyebrows didn’t fill in quite like I had hoped. They are still almost nonexistent. So – every morning, they get the Rudy treatment.   

This week is National Volunteer Week.  From my perspective, every Look Good Feel Better volunteer is a hero. Rudy, you will always be my ray of sunshine. You have no idea how much you did to brighten up an uncertain time for me.  I can never thank you enough. And I will never forget you, with your fun spirit, awesome makeup skills, and that absolutely fantastic smile!! 

All my best to you and your team of heroes.  

With love,  

Karen B.
Dallas, TX